One of the things that I’ve begun to realize about law school is that each semester, I’m going to have a miniature mid-life crisis. This is like a regular mid-life crisis, except instead of going out and buying a sports car, I just get depressed. I like to think of this as the “Mid-Semester Itch.” It’s sort of like the “Seven Year Itch“, except my XBox 360 plays the part of Marilyn Monroe. The minute the Mid-Semester Itch strikes, I start behaving like an undergrad, ignoring my school work, and my in-class attention span plummets to hyperactive-11-year-old levels.
I’ve tried to figure out exactly what it is that causes this Mid-Semester Itch, and I’ve got a couple of theories:
It has finally become clear. The New England Patriots amazing run this decade has not been the result of brilliant player management, Tom Brady (arguably, the best quarterback of his generation), or solid coaching. Nope, the New England Patriots have done it all through Racketeering and cheating. (I can only assume that Tom Brady’s absurd, supermodel and starlet strewn romantic resume was somehow manufactured in the same way. For shame, Tom Brady, for shame.)
At least that’s what a new law suit alleges. Filled in U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Louisiana last Friday, former St. Louis Rams player Willie Gary and several ticket purchasers brought suit, requesting their certification as a class, and demanding $100 millions in damages for the Patriots alleged violations. (You can read the lengthy complaint here.) Continue reading ‘New England Organized Crime?’
We here at Fight The Hypo are on the cutting edge of legal reform, committed as we are to justice, freedom, and the rule of law. Here’s an example of our innovative and forward-looking thinking for dealing with the critical challenges facing our legal system.
Replace the obscure, outdated Latin phrase “res ipsa loquitur” with the more modern English phrase “it is what it is.”
Granted, I have just learned what “res ipsa loquitur” means. So, while I may have less experience than more seasoned attorneys, what I’m asking for here is a vote for change we can all believe in. And while the common law’s currency is experience, in this case, experience is merely a millstone dragging the law into the depths of confusion.
If I had been there when they chose the phrase, I would have voted differently. In fact, I was always against granting judges the blanket authority to invent Latin phrases. I could have told them it was a losing cause and a dying language. But we have to look forward, not back. So, here’s my case for why centuries of common law parlance must yield to new realities we face.
I was going to call this the “Friday Fight The Hypo Award” but who has time to award something every week?
So our first official and illustrious “Every Now and Then Award For Fighting the Hypo” goes to, Mommy on the Floor.
She writes:
I was on call for Torts. The professor kept asking if I had a duty of care in certain situations. If I am a homeowner, do I need to try and rescue a trespasser who has fallen in quicksand? What about a bear trap? I wasn’t really sure so I was hemming and hawing. A few weeks ago, he had talked about sea captains and how they have a duty of care to the crew because he is pretty much the only one who can rescue them. Apparently, this is analogous to being a homeowner. He said, you have a duty of care because its like you are a sea captain.
So I am typing along and my friend who sits next to me starts to laugh. She points at my screen. I had written,
“If someone gets caught in a bear trap, you have to help them because you are the sea captain.”
When will this stop being funny? It just made me realize how ridiculous these hypos are. Am I going to be defending sea captains? Are we plagued with bears and everyone is running out and planting traps?
But I promise you, if you fall into quick sand on my property, I will help you. I have too, because I am the sea captain. Aye Matey!
Happy Valentine’s Day loyal readers! The High Holy Day for the Secular Cult of Romantic Love is upon us again, and while you’re making yourself sick eating Conversation Hearts, I found this for you to ponder.
The ironically named Sandra Valentine had been married to her husband Johnny for 4 years when she went to work for Mississippi businessman Jerry Fitch, Sr. Seems that one thing led to another, Sandra got pregnant, and Johnny, suspecting things were amiss, demanded a paternity test. It will probably come as no shock that Mrs. Valentine’s “other duties as assigned” extended to Mr. Fitch, and the kid was his. Finding that he had been made a cuckold, Johnny did the only logical a man in his position could do: he sued Jerry Fitch.
[Ed Note: So... in editing and updating this post, I inadvertently deleted it. My apologies. Here' s my best effort at quickly recreating it, with notes on what I've changed/added.]
All that today’s episode of the Gong Show… er, I mean all that the latest Roger Clemens hearing on Capitol Hill is missing is Gene Gene The Dancing Machine. Who knows, maybe he’ll make an appearance too:
So, we’ve tried to not be too critical, but…. this whole thing is a sham.
I know. Hardly an original thought, Mr. Sherpa. You’re right. And while I know this isn’t a political or health or sports blog, I have come to believe three four things about these hearings: Continue reading ‘Congress = Gong Show?’
Today, our long time reader and beloved friend Pakistani Princess’ man (Steve) is returning from the Land of the Pure. In celebration, we decree today National Steve Day, and request that all of you print the Official Logo (Courtesy of the Artistic Department), and display it proudly in your home or office.
Since “Steve” is internationally known to be synonymous with the ideal state of being, we thought we would list off a few cool things about your first semester of law school.
1. You now know what “offensive, non-mutual collateral estoppel” is.
2. You can tell the difference between remedies in law or at equity.
3. You know what a 12(b) (6) motion is.
4. You can identify things your spouse or boyfriend had done that make them a tortfeasor. And you remind them of this all the time.
5. You think more about the potential lawsuits that may arise from King Cake than you do about its sugary goodness.
So fly the banner my friends. Celebrate that you have taken off the Pants of Ignorance, and stand naked in the bright Sun of Legal Knowledge, basking in its warmth, and allowing its nourishing power to grow you into a “Steve.”
